Curse

Speedy · Aug 05, 2005, 03:33 AM // 03:33

Well, since there isn't a thread like this yet, I guess I'll start one. Just post a link or copy and paste something on the internet that you found funny or interesting. This can be a video, joke, prank, anything. A laugh a day keeps the Charr/Dwarves/Krytans/Mursaat/Undead away.

I'll start. Here's a funny airline joke I found.

Quote:

Here are some conversations airline passengers normally will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers around the world.
================================================== ==========

Pilot: "Albuquerque Center, this is United 372. I have an engine that just went out and I need to land. No panic, but I need a runway that's close to my present location."
Tower: "United 372, this is Albuquerque Center. You are cleared to land at [Name of town I have never heard of] Airport immediately."
Pilot: (Who had obviously never heard of town either) "Hey, I'm not talking some crop duster airport here, Albuquerque Center."
Tower: "United 372, that runway is 6,700 feet long. Is THAT going to be enough for you, or do you want me to send someone up to help you land?"
================================================== ==========

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
================================================== ======== ==

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
================================================== ==========

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
"I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
================================================== ========= =

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
================================================== ==========

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
================================================== ======== ==

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
================================================== ======== ==

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
================================================== ======= ===

Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
================================================== ==========

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
================================================== ==========

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact. Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
================================================== =======

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
================================================== ==========

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every RED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GOpit around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

And of course, the E-Bay Powerbook Prank

Finally, the very interesting but long true story of the Cashed Check

Post some funny/interesting things you've found below!

Platinum Agent · Aug 05, 2005, 04:47 AM // 04:47

wow funny, i havent seen anything funny, u already took the powerbook one, mebbe that one thing from the l33test pic ever thread

Spartan2 · Aug 05, 2005, 05:25 AM // 05:25

After seeing that P-P-P-Powerbook thing, I had one of the best laughs I've had in a long while. Thanks for those jokes and pranks.

Yen-lo-wang · Aug 05, 2005, 05:31 AM // 05:31

Quote:

"Because you lost the bloody war."

Best line in that whole thing

EmperorTippy · Aug 05, 2005, 06:42 AM // 06:42

read the whole check thing. had a good laugh.

EverBlue · Aug 05, 2005, 07:33 AM // 07:33

Poor Jeff. I wonder what happened to him. Maybe that scammer decided to murderrrr him.

AceSnyp3r · Aug 05, 2005, 07:44 AM // 07:44

Well, since we can post anything, I'm gonna post this funny little computer gadget - http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/security/76ed/

Platinum Agent · Aug 05, 2005, 01:16 PM // 13:16

lol that check thing was awesome

Speedy · Aug 05, 2005, 05:35 PM // 17:35

If you like Star Wars, you'll love this Star Wars Translation

SOT · Aug 05, 2005, 05:59 PM // 17:59

Behold, the Amish Laptop:

http://www.mystique.net/amish.html

moose87 · Aug 05, 2005, 06:11 PM // 18:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Speedy

If you like Star Wars, you'll love this Star Wars Translation

that was funny as hell lol

SOT · Aug 05, 2005, 06:43 PM // 18:43

Speedy · Aug 05, 2005, 06:51 PM // 18:51

Don't mess with porcupines.

Had to take those links down. We try to stay at least border line family. Last thing we need is a kid telling their mom that they saw a picture of a dog that had a head like Shack had a fro in the 60's. =\

EnDinG · Aug 05, 2005, 07:34 PM // 19:34

Oh my... Thats ugly. Poor dog... Actually, poor porcupine. If those needles are there, and the dog is still moving, I wonder what happened to it. =\

midnyte13 · Aug 05, 2005, 07:58 PM // 19:58

OMG...that powerbook one is awesome....question is ...where is jeff?...hope he is well.
and is it illegal to scam a scammer?

ExplosiveBadger · Aug 05, 2005, 08:07 PM // 20:07

That guy Jeff needs to sell that fake PowerBook. He could make a small fortune from fans of the joke. Haha.

Chad · Aug 05, 2005, 08:10 PM // 20:10

lol nice

sidepocket13 · Aug 05, 2005, 08:36 PM // 20:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by AceSnyp3r

Well, since we can post anything, I'm gonna post this funny little computer gadget - http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/security/76ed/

i am absolutely buying one of these!

SOT · Aug 06, 2005, 03:37 PM // 15:37

SOT · Aug 07, 2005, 04:48 AM // 04:48